Boys: This Will Bore You.

Usually, I think that high-end fashion gods (see Vogue, Miuccia Prada, etc.) have a keen eye for condemning nasty style trends (think Juicy tracksuits, Uggs, and those nasty backless handkerchief tops). However, this fall and early winter, I think they've been struck by some sort of plague of gross misjudgement. Why? Because all over the fashion press we see not only pictures, but endorsements of these horrid new BOOTIES. Cut off at the ankle, pointy, often either weirdly reflective or else sueded, booties seem like an okay idea but are rarely okay in practice.

Case in point (made for me by the geniuses at GoFugYourself):

Birdie Bell here (yes, really, Birdie Bell) has a mildly pretty dress on. Not great, obviously not real vintage but wishes it were, and looks like it got creases ironed into it, but nothing overtly offensive. However, quick shoe check reveals these bizarre shining jelly beans of shoes that neither flatter the foot, flatter the leg, nor even match the dress AT ALL, for god's sake. They emphasize her feet in a really unfortunate way and I'm certain that she only wore them, even though they couldn't be less appropriate for the dress, because she'd just paid 8,384 dollars for them and KNEW they were stylish to the MAX because she read about them in "W." And you know what, she probably got accolades for them in some press or other the next morning. Ew.

More cases in point:

These looks from the Fall '06 runways of designers Freja something-or-other and Bahati something-else aren't that awful, but just think how much better another shoe--any other shoe--would look here. Especially on the young madam on the right--she's wearing a PARTY dress! She should have some nice party shoes! Not weird clodhoppers! She's a model, not a goat! (Note: I can't find photos of the nasty grey suede booties I've seen on everyone from Mischa to Hilary this season, but hopefully these will still convince you of the innate bootie [booty?] evil.)

But let's not give the impression that I'm utterly prejudiced and hate-filled on this lovely Christmas Eve, though. I did just eat a peanut-butter kiss left out for Santa by my kid sister (Tough job, someone's gotta do it. I'm a people-pleaser is all.) and I'm in a generous mood. I HAVE, to be fair, seen one pair of booties I liked. They're by Seychelles, and they're pretty cute. I like the heels, and I especially commend them on their fetching foldover top. These babies won't cling to the ankle, and there's enough detailing on them to make them look more like actual boots and not latex foot guards.

Still, just to be on the safe side, I'd highly recommend staying far away from the entire bootie genre. Why risk disaster when you could go with something fabulous you already own that doubtless looks better anyway?

Or if you must buy booties, please make them these:

> r r <