All Signs Point To Zoe
There's been a lot of news about Britney recently. I must say, she deserves it--while not yet at her nubile-trashy-and-proud status of yore, she's putting the more recent trashy-and-pathetic stage behind her.
Anyway, while you may think that Britney's vajoo-joo slipup is the latest in breaking news, I'm here to set you straight. The latest and greatest in Brit-land happenings is straight from the mouth of me, thanks to my mad skillz in deductive reasoning. CHECK IT:
Considering that...
1. Brit's now got a trashy ex who has facial fuzz and wears his clothes eight sizes too big (see Barton, Mischa; Richie, Nicole).
2. She's getting all skinny.
3. She's getting more flatironed and glossy by the minute.
3. She's BFF with Paris Hilton.
4. They partay at Hyde, LAX, etc. etc. blah blah.
5. She's had a Lohan-Hilton-&-Co.-style ladyparts incident.
6. Nicole Richie has recently turned on her former stylist, calling her a "raisin face" and "lettucecup" (?!)...
...isn't it obvious, using knowledge of previous celebrity routes to Us-Weekly fame, that BRIT-BRIT HAS TAKEN NICOLE RICHIE'S PLACE AS RACHEL ZOE'S NEWEST HORSE-TRANQUILIZER-SWALLOWING CLONE-IN-TRAINING?!?!?!
yup, genius, I know. I went to college.
> r r <
Anyway, while you may think that Britney's vajoo-joo slipup is the latest in breaking news, I'm here to set you straight. The latest and greatest in Brit-land happenings is straight from the mouth of me, thanks to my mad skillz in deductive reasoning. CHECK IT:
Considering that...
1. Brit's now got a trashy ex who has facial fuzz and wears his clothes eight sizes too big (see Barton, Mischa; Richie, Nicole).
2. She's getting all skinny.
3. She's getting more flatironed and glossy by the minute.
3. She's BFF with Paris Hilton.
4. They partay at Hyde, LAX, etc. etc. blah blah.
5. She's had a Lohan-Hilton-&-Co.-style ladyparts incident.
6. Nicole Richie has recently turned on her former stylist, calling her a "raisin face" and "lettucecup" (?!)...
...isn't it obvious, using knowledge of previous celebrity routes to Us-Weekly fame, that BRIT-BRIT HAS TAKEN NICOLE RICHIE'S PLACE AS RACHEL ZOE'S NEWEST HORSE-TRANQUILIZER-SWALLOWING CLONE-IN-TRAINING?!?!?!
yup, genius, I know. I went to college.
> r r <
Labels: Celebs
posted by 5%Celery at 6:03 PM
1 Comments:
you underestimate brit. that girl knows what she has to do to look hot, get hot and stay hot. like, right? girl's going to be a little crazy and all but I imagine she's got at least someone on her staff who knows how to turn a buck off her--music, baby rat exposure or whatever.
brit will have another hit and you will sing along to it and you will wish you were a freshman in college, ledege dancing or even better, a sunset strip party girl.
mark.
my.
words.
PS. WINTER SOLSTICE PARTY COMING SOON. TBA. I'M BUYING THE ALPACA FUR TRAPPER HAT AND DOING CRUNCHES FOR BIKINI PREP. HOTT.
AQUAVIT. GRAVLAX. WHITE PEOPLE.
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