Top Chef FINALE

oh SNAP.

Marcel pees on his hand. Ilan wears zero watches. This is TV to watch. As we sit here with ten minutes to go--I'm going to guess Marcel. I heart Ilan--well, before the last 4 episodes when he turned into "bummer chef".

According to "America" (which happens to be 15 year old teens with unlimited texting) Ilan wins with 56% of the vote.

And btw if you had been in my living room listening to my pretentious remarks, you would have heard; "Isomalt will not work in Hawaii--too humid" and "You CANNOT EAT bay leaves--it is the number one killer in restaurants". You should have listended to me--both of you.

And the winner is...

well did you really think they would choose MARCEL?

Marcel with his salad and chops? I think not. Salad and chops make for bad TV.

America voted--America could not get behind Marcel.

W.

NOT "dubya" btw.

Whatever.

Good job winning Ilan. Apparently you are the most attractive, nicest, and you deserve the KENMORE kitchen more.

And to Padma and her safari gear, Rachel has some words for you; Hawaii is not in AFRICA. Africa is in Africa.

Do you feel like you wasted your life?

I suggest you get up out of your chair and roast some garlic--get back to cooking. Stop watching others do it.

Maybe I'll go on Top Chef...

.:tt:.

Dave...I need you.