Say No to Cruggs

OH my GOD.

Take cover, fellow citizens! The locusts are coming, Vesuvius is on the verge, Florida is breaking off, and all the ozone is gone!

Because really, the only thing that the new Crocs "Mammoth" can signify is the END OF THE WORLD.

Why else would the gods allow the monstrous combination of the two worst shoe trends known to (wo)man? Whoever dreamed up the spawn of heinous molded plastic gardening clogs/clown shoes (Crocs) with possibly-more-heinous giant furry dinosaur boots (Uggs) clearly was planning my demise. Mental demise, at least. This violates all rules and makes me question the American public even more than its widespread support of Fall Out Boy.

Question, though: who's going to buy these things? The biggest fans of Uggs are dippy girls in denim miniskirts, who would never be seen wearing Crocs. The biggest Croc wearers are hippie-wannabes who probably consider Uggs too popular and too made-of-animals (though their moms back in Minnesota may own some for the wintertime). Wait--I know! The guys in the entertainment industry who wear Uggs not with miniskirts (obviously) but to show how laid-back they are whilst chilling in their beachfront pads wearing Seven jeans. They probably need something to wear when Uggs just won't do, but they still need to project that all-important blase real-dude vibe. Cruggs to the rescue?

No. No. They're just too bad. I can't deal. Time to go huddle under a desk and wait for the apocolypse.

> r r < (with thanks to TheTopCoat for the heads-up.)